Column: Chisme con Carolina


Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve had my wedding planned, but what was always in the back of my head was the fears that come with marrying outside of my culture.

Growing up as a first generation, there were things I had to learn to balance on my own. Spanish was my first language, but since I started school, it’s only been English.

As I grew, my connection with Spanish became more distant, and I found myself talking to my parents in English and struggling to switch back to Spanish.

I’ve always been so proud to be Mexican, and I love that I speak Spanish. Although I’m scared that by marrying outside of my culture, my future children won’t get that experience.

I feel as though I am too distant from the language to teach it, and I won’t know where my partner stands. My parents never wanted us being Mexican to be something to be ashamed of. I always loved learning about my roots, but I always felt like there was some sort of separation between me and the culture.

It was like I could make myself look good on paper but have nothing to show but the way my skin tans and the way my hair curls.

When it came to learning about my culture or talking about it, I always felt like I was researching a topic that had nothing to do with me.

With feeling that loss of connection, how would I teach my future children the language and culture?

My parents have worked their entire lives since they were younger than me to support their families. They have always taught me that family comes first.

I often fear that my family won’t approve of who I marry or that they’ll feel as if they have no connection with my significant other, or me for that matter.

With everything my parents have worked for to give not only me but their entire families, all I want is to pay them back and create a life I know they’ll love and feel like they have every right into.
I often worry that my future partner and I won’t find common experiences socially.

Growing up I constantly faced racist remarks and struggled to know where I stood in relationships. I often found myself feeling inferior to those around me.

At a young age, I didn’t quite understand people were being racist, but I knew enough to feel lesser than others.

As I’ve matured, I’ve started to question how my partner would feel about racism or classism and if my partner would have had similar experiences to me.

I believe that your work ethic is formed through opportunities and experiences.

In my family, work ethic is major. With having parents that knew the struggle of family responsibilities from young and impressionable ages, it is important you know to work hard and not take anything for granted. Every opportunity is an honor.

As I get to the ages where romantic relationships are in question, the fears that come with marrying out of the culture are stronger. These are fears I have and need to learn to grow from.

I have always told myself since I was little that my culture, my history, my family, and my life are not worth leaving behind no matter what.

I will always love my culture and will try to use the possibility of marrying out of my culture as fuel to grow closer to it.