Recently, on a trip to Grayslake Middle School to recruit freshman to take journalism, I was inspired to write about the topic of chivalry. What started out as a joke when my friend Mustafa Anwar did not throw his jacket on a puddle for me—that would be a sarcastic comment made by Mr. Lard—turned into a very interesting discussion on whether or not there are gentlemen in the world. It then led me to ponder what exactly the gender roles are in today’s society.

These days, it seems a more rare occasion than ever for men to hold the door for a lady. When you hear your grandparents, great aunts and uncles, and maybe even parents talk, chivalry is not a trivial topic. Back in the day, it just seemed to be what men did. They held doors, helped ladies into their jackets, paid on dates, etc. The times I’ve grown up in, though, are different.

Men are not the only guilty ones, though. If a boy does not grow up being taught to be a gentleman, the real culprits are of course the parents. It makes me wonder where exactly the teachings were lost. And then I decided they were probably thrown out the window when manners for a lady became less of a “big deal” in society.

When men went out of their way to treat a lady like a lady, it is reasonable to say women were proper in those days. Today, children are surrounded by media portraying girls as “one of the boys.” I am totally one for gender equality and am thankful I’ve grown up in a time where women are accepted as equals. My point though, is that if a girl expects to be treated like a lady, she needs to act like one. In general, if you wish to be treated a certain way, you must earn it.

A perfect example is Miley Cyrus. There was a time, more in the Hannah Montana era, where she was a cute, sweet and innocent teenager. And then something got the best of her. During the VMA’s (yes, I know, a little old but nevertheless a strong example), she shocked America with her performance. After waltzing onto stage in a sad excuse for clothing, she then proceeded to dance distastefully on R&B artist Robin Thicke.

Maybe that’s exactly what Ms. Cyrus wanted. A complete one-eighty that shocked the world might have been a publicity stunt. Whatever the case, her act struck a nerve for me. It is only reasonable to expect certain treatment if you deserve it. If what she is truly shooting for is to be looked at is a Disney Channel star gone-wrong, she has done a splendid job painting that picture.

It all comes down to this: men are as much at fault for killing chivalry as us women are. If manners are abandoned and “thank yous” among other politeness is no longer prioritized, it is unreasonable to pin the issue on one gender. And the bigger picture is that anytime you expect to be treated a certain way, you actually have to deserve it.