Every night I fall asleep to the thought of THE McDonald’s shake. Most people might think I’m referring to the chocolate shake or maybe even strawberry shake, but this assumption actually offends me. I am talking about the megalodon of shakes: the Shamrock Shake. If every single person on Earth could appreciate the gift of the Shamrock Shake, it still would not be enough.

As the most important time of year has come around and St. Patrick’s Day is only two days away as I write this column, I still have not experienced the joy of the Shamrock Shake this year. I fear that one day I will be able to go to McDonald’s for the sole purpose of buying one, and it will be gone until March rolls around again. No matter what anyone or my own digestive system says to me, I will keep drinking the shake until I physically cannot drink anymore. Nothing makes me happier than the taste of chemicals the extremely green shake is able to produce. This is not an ad from McDonald’s. I just feel very deeply about the best item on their menu.

Even though it is absolutely disastrous to the body, and every time I take a sip I can feel my arteries clogging, I will never be separated from the Shamrock Shake. The Shamrock Shake is not only embedded into my dreams for the rest of my life, but it now makes up my soul.

The Shamrock Shake is the perfect description of Ireland in a cup. I would like to state that I have never been to Ireland, so I wouldn’t really know, but I feel like my family who are from Ireland would definitely appreciate it.

The Shamrock Shake is everything. I am Irish and I approve of this Shamrock Shake.